As I was watching a movie the other night, I casually remarked to a friend of mine during a dramatic scene that the downfall of most relationships is the indiscriminate use of the "L" word. Love. Ever since I said that last week, I've been thinking about it over and over. Sometimes my rambling oddball comments have a small grain of truth. I've thought back at the failed relationships I've had and those of my friends as well, and at the root of many, using the "L" word has played a part.
I think of how people blindly jump on this rollercoaster of pleasure and pain they call love and how many feel its bitter sting at the end. Is it because the idea of self-sacrifice isn't clear to them at the beginning? Is it a lack of understanding that emotions will run high and low in all relationships? Or are they just in love with the idea of love? Perhaps it is that people jump to using the word "love" far too soon, and far too easily. It saddens me that many people throw the word "love" around so much that it has lost its meaning. It has almost become a pointless word. "I love you" isn't a statement said to just end a phone conversation. It's not something that if you say it enough times, it becomes magically true. Love has truly lost its meaning (if there ever was a concise meaning to it), and people seem to say "I love you" to anyone and everyone, without really meaning it, or more accurately, without understanding the meaning of such a powerful word... such that an illusion of love is created in their minds and all emotion behind it lost...
I mean, if you think about it, is there even really a need to tell someone that you love them in the first place? If you truly love them, wouldn't your actions speak for themselves anyway? Wouldn't the two of you have such a deep understanding of how each other feels, that those three words wouldn't even need to be said? Do you have to hear it in order to understand that it's true? That's not to say that you should never say it, don't get me wrong, but to say that you shouldn't use it so much or so indiscriminately that it loses its meaning in the context of your relationship. Think of the couple that's been married fifty years - do they say it non-stop the way they did in the beginning of the relationship? Probably not. That doesn't make it any less true. I know that when I am in love with someone, it's shown through my actions, in how I look at him, in how I touch him, not by my use of any particular word or phrase. Of course I use the "L" word, I say "I love you", but if I don't say it every five minutes, that doesn't mean I love him any less.
Oh, that I had the strength to prevent others from leaping before they look, from using the "L" word inappropriately, to stop the heartbreak before it starts. But I've learned that when hearts are set on someone, even the wisest of advice often falls upon deaf ears. Experience is a harsh teacher - everyone learns that lesson at least once, and more often than not, people leave relationships with a bitter taste in their mouths and their hearts. I know this holds true for me. In fact, I can really only speak for myself.
That being said, let me also state empatically that this is not an advocation for or against relationships, or even for or against love. I'm only ranting because it seems that love, or the idea of it, is thrown about far too casually these days - be it in the media or amongst my personal acquaintances. Holding hands, smiling, kissing, "making love" and riding off into the sunset... The idea of it seems so promising, but there is so much more to love than that. There has to be. I see so many people jump headlong and fall into relationships that are bound to fail, blithely spitting out the "L" word before they could possibly experience that feeling. Commitment, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, being willing to do anything to make another happy, being there in good times and bad... these are the things that build a lasting relationship. These things - both giving them and receiving them - are what constitute love. Not just saying the word, but following through in action.
That isn't to say that I've never fallen victim to this emotional pitfall. Of course I have. I've spit out the "L" word when that really wasn't the case... Sometimes to avoid hurting another's feelings, others because I was so wrapped up in that new relationship giddiness that I said it thinking I truly meant it, only to have the harsh reality come crashing down later. However, having been taught that lesson the hard way more than once, I resolve to never speak that word blindly again... to think before I speak, without exception. Like everything else in my life though, it's a work in progress - I'm still learning.
