You know, people have really been pissing me off lately. So much, in fact, that I'm starting a new blog series - The Most Annoying People on Earth.
For some reason, my anger as of late has been directed toward celebrities who can't just be fucking celebrities. Noooo... they can't just be happy acting or singing. They have to have their own fragrance line or fashion label, or they decide to start running their mouths and get involved in politics. So let's just see if we can't start with Paul Hewson. That's Bono for the un-initiated.
Disclaimer:
What I am about to say is not in reference to Bono the musician. I understand he is quite popular and I am told he is very talented as well. If you are one of the mouth-breathing masses who thinks that U2's The Joshua Tree (which I do own) is the greatest rock and roll album ever and have vivid memories about how your life was inexplicably changed the first time you heard "With or Without You" performed live, please don't send me emails/leave me comments calling me an ass and/or trying to get me to change my mind. I don't care what you think and I am not easily persuaded.
Okay, Bono... hmmm... what can we say about Bono? Since this isn't going to be about music, I guess there really is only one thing I would like to say to he-who-wears-the-bug-eyed-glasses:
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MIND YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS.
Yeah, I guess that about sums it up. I know you are famous. I know that with fame comes the ability to reach a wide audience. And I understand that with that kind of reach comes the ability to enact change. I do. But I really think you've overstepped your bounds. At the end of the day you're just a musician. A musician with a trite moniker.
I will even go so far as to say that I believe you actually do care about the causes you support. I'm sure all the money and time you've donated have done some good. And I am sure that by using your fame to bring attention to a cause, you've helped in ways money never could. But you have no earthly business meeting with world leaders to discuss policy. You're out of your element. You aren't a politician. You're an entertainer. That's all. You sing songs to people who pay for the privilege of forgetting their troubles for an hour or two.
You've recently been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Your 2nd nomination in two years. And I've gotta say, this irritates and confuses the hell out of me. This has to be some sort of large-scale practical joke. I mean really - what the everloving hell does a musician have to do with world peace? Does anyone really think that you deserve to be among the ranks of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela and the fucking Dalai Lama? Jesus Christ, I hope to hell not. Granted, Jimmy Carter somehow managed to sneak in under the radar, but I'm willing to let that slide, since he was at least President (albeit a largely ineffective one).
To a large portion of the audience at your shows, you're just a way to spend their disposable income. You could be replaced by marijuana. Or functional alcoholism. Or golf. Or bowling. Yes, bowling. How important can you be if you can be replaced by bowling? Not too fucking important, in my estimation.
Ok, so I've been pretty hard on Bono. But to be fair, there is another group to blame for his self-important strutting about. That's right, I'm talking about the political leaders who listen to him. Seriously, what the fuck are you thinking? In most cases you've been elected by the people of your country to represent them. I, for one, would rather you not take your cues from the mouthpiece of a has-been, no longer relevant Irish rock band who's last album licked balls. And not in a good way.
Alright I think that's enough. Bring on the comments.
Oh, and Bono - lose the smirk. Dick.
